The physical load is more than I can handle and I cannot afford a help so in the whirl wind of it all I have been searching for answers many of which I am finding in myself.
My son is gone all the time now days working and when he is home he is working on his art and I refuse to bother him because he is so tired unless I just have to scream for help.
I began to not see the light at the end of the tunnel when the gangrene started to take over her foot..but I have learned a wonderful lesson in life time and medicines diets and time.
How everything works to gather even in my art. I think often we start to lose our own style or we are trying to influence it with a new idea
actually one type of medicine was not working and hospice was even called in because her blood system was compromised ,yet a simple change from a liquid form to a powder changed everything from wet to dry...just like a technique
made me think of how to accomplish all there is ahead of me and keep doing what I love..yet something had changed in me in that last experience. Reality, reality one day her heart could not with stand this..watching my Dad suffer with her every step and tire every few minutes reality they would not be here physically and that was in the near future. they would not be on the phone or say Hello or look up and my mama does and smile when I sneek over to her afraid of waking her up.
How would this effect my art, my creative flow..my little sound world of chatter with my buddies on line and the familiar of my day?
Would I be so busy going through all they had horded and collected I would not be able to find the time for what I knew?
I don't know. simply I don't know but I am flowing differently now, there is so much to be done each day and my physical limitations don't allow me any over doing with out consequences so I am adjusting and preparing. I wanted to thank all my wonderful friends for putting up with me in this transition it is a difficult one and exhusting mentally physically and spiritually.
Her Style her Time is my journal page for this transition today
hugs
susan s
